


Saving OUR Anxiety

by uniquecellest



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Hurt Virgil, M/M, confused virgil, idk what else to put
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2020-10-29 08:02:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20793341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uniquecellest/pseuds/uniquecellest
Summary: After confessing that he used to be a Dark Side





	1. Chapter 1

Virgil is in his room feeling confused. He just admitted to Thomas that he used to be one of his Dark Sides before coming to the Light. Each dark being an opposite of a light. Deceit and Patton, Remus and Roman, him and Logan. What hurts the most is that Virgil actually gets along with his opposite and can see things through his perspective and will use his own logic instead of abandoning it.

But now. . . 

Now things are different.

He has admitted to Thomas who he used to be. Partially.

Maybe Deceit was right when they were in the courtroom. It takes a liar to know a liar. After all Virgil didn't used to be just any Dark Side. He was the leader. He took control of them when Thomas was starting to develop, so he could butt heads with the Lights and make Thomas a shy insecure mess. Someone who always had what-ifs and wasn't the renounced actor he is now.

That's why he showed up in the third video and every video after, to show the Lights that Thomas can't always be happy and look for the good in things. 

Then. . . .

Then he and Thomas and the others started to work together. That's why he left and made Thomas more calm than usual, not because he felt like he was unwanted (well, he did feel that but that isn't the whole reason). He left because he was confused and didn't know if he had become more Light than Dark. Then after they came to his room to see him, he realized that he didn't want to be dark anymore so he got them all out of his room.

Then Deceit disguised himself as Patton. A reminder that Virgil can never really leave that life behind. Remus coming in and knocking Roman unconscious and then telling him "it was just like 'old time'." Hit that home.

"I'm sorry." He whispers to himself quietly. He leaves his room to see Patton, Logan, and Roman sitting in the living room. Waiting for him to come out so they can all talk. Logan and Patton are sitting unusually close near the kitchen while Roman is on a couch close to the TV. Princey is leaning forward, elbows on knees while it appears that he chewing on his manicured nails. The anxious side can't help but note how cute the Good Creativity looks.

With silent steps he leaves his hiding spot and back to his room. Lying on his bed is suitcase. He can't believe he is doing this. But it is what is right. He can't help Thomas anymore unless he wants to be on one the extreme sides of the Yerkes-Dodson Curve. He has to leave. It's what's best. He puts all the pictures of him and the Light Sides face down in drawers. Looking at them will only make it more difficult.

"Goodbye." He whispers placing the one of the four them in their holiday sweaters down in the bedside table he has. Zipping up his suitcase he leaves his and goes down to the deep part of Thomas where the Darks come from. As he walks down the hallway the Light gets smaller and the more Virgil wants to run back to it. To them. To him. 

Stop it! He scolds himself. That life isn't for him anymore. It never was.

"You were right." He states, voice echoing once there is nothing but complete darkness.

"Nice to see you back, Boss." Deceit appears, a sinister smile on his half-snake face as he places one of his slimy hands around the purple-clad side's shoulders, walking him back into the life that will always be him. 


	2. Chapter 2

Roman sits nervously on the couch awaiting the arrival of Virgil, along with Patton and Logan. He feels an in massive guilt. He has been feeling this for a while now; ever since the "Selflessness vs. Selfishness" video after which Virgil brought up the fact that Roman himself appeared to be flirting with Deceit, whether Deceit was "flirting back" or just being his usual sarcastic self. But after sentencing Thomas to the wedding and they all left him alone Virgil confronted Roman about how he acted around the half-snake trait.

"Just admit it: You like Deceit!" Virgil had told him in an angry calm tone. Roman had never heard that tone from the anxious side before that or since and wishes to never again. Virgil is either really calm or really emotional never has he mixed both. That has concerned the Prince. 

If Roman is being honest with himself, he knows that when Deceit is "being kind" it really is just him being is little sarcastic deceitful self. Roman just acts dumb around him to see Virgil's reaction. The purple-clad trait doesn't give him much reactions anymore, he has tried flirting with Logan and Patton (neither of which has gone well with both the Logic and Dad traits getting a bit jealous. Logan refused to admit to his feelings because they are irrelevant whilst Patton just pretended that he was fine when he wasn't (Nostalgia videos anyone?).) He also did it off-screen as to not rouse the suspicions of Thomas, friends, and the others. 

And honestly Deceit is the only one that seems to get arise out of Virgil, considering Patton and Logan only get eye rolls. There is his brother but that's just gross. And even if it wasn't he and Remus hardly (read ever) see eye-to-eye. While Roman does fight the Dragon Witch regularly when Thomas doesn't need him around he has to fight his brother even more to help keep Thomas from Remus's dark thoughts. And just like Patton, Roman is going to be less strict and will allow some of Remus to enter Thomas's mind.

But the one thing that disturbs him the most?

Remus's scream and saying that they were all momentarily distracted.

Distracted? Distracted from what?

"It's been about an hour now," Patton states a little worried, eyes glancing over to Virgil's bare spot near the stairs. It's been about an hour or so now and they haven't seen or heard a peep from their newest side. "Maybe we should go and check on him?"

"Illogical, Patton. Virgil will come to us."

"Have you forgot everything with Remus? Deceit? He was vague about them the whole time to try and protect Thomas! He wasn't exactly fourth coming." Roman argues. It's true, they all knew what was happening and only Logan had been the only one to want to explain what was happening. "Look, maybe we should go to his room. We won't confront him just ask him how he is feeling. That's all."

"Come one Lo." Patton's voice is small, slightly tugging on the short-sleeve of Logan's shirt. Logan concedes and they all make their way to Virgil's room, knocking on the door. "Virgil, are you in there?" Patton calls out. "We're here for you, all three of us!"

Slowly, the door to Virgil's room opens, they all go inside. Surprised by what they find in there.


	3. Chapter 3

Deceit is standing in the room, leaning against Virgil's bed frame. The brightest biggest smirk on the half-snakes face. "Hello there, I didn't expect you three." He states. Moving to sit on the bed, ignoring the astonished looks and daggers being pointed at him. Who knew Patton could do daggers, anyway? Login too? Deceit crosses one leg over the other, hands coming to rest over his knee. "It is a nice surprise, though."

"Cut it out!" Roman states voice filled a collective rage remains calm. "Where is Virgil?" He enunciates every word, especially Virgil's name.

A flicker of interest finds it's way to the snakes eyes before he forces it back down. "What does it matter to you three? Can't you see that no matter how much you tried to make him feel like he belonged he never did with you guys. There is to be a balance between dark and light, no? If there is four of you and two of us that isn't a balance. How can you expect Thomas to be a balanced person without his sides being so?"

Deceit pushes himself off the bed and opens the nightstand where Virgil put the picture of him and his new best friends. "Besides, if Virgil even wanted you three to find him why did he hide this picture in his nightstand?" Deceit takes it out and hands it to the fatherly trait. The glass is now broken from Deceit having broken it when he found it. "Why didn't he take it with him?"

Patton felt his heart break. Logan and Roman coming to look at it, causing the same effect. There are a few cracks the most significant one running between Logan and Roman cutting their horror-loving friend out from the group. "Wha-why?" Patton stutters out, tears forming in his eyes. Logan wraps an arm around him in reassurance.

"Clearly he doesn't care for you three as you cared for him. But I did try to warn you all in the courtroom. Guess you just took my simple little comment about liars as something only directed at Virgil to get under his skin and no other significance. Now if you'll excuse me."

As Deceit leaves the three sides know that he is lying and telling the truth. The bad part is that they don't know exactly which parts are truth and lies. Does Virgil care for them? Did Deceit try to warn them? Why didn't Virgil take the picture with him?

* * *

Deceit smirks as he reenters the Dark Sides home. His job couldn't have gone any better. He has created friction with the Lights and he can tell they are starting to doubt some things. Good. Because by the time they can even sort between truth and lies it'll be too late.

"Deceit." A deep voice calls to him, rumbling like thunder. "Where were you?" Virgil appears in front of him. The eye shadow under his eyes are the blackest Deceit has ever seen them, his normal chocolate eyes almost obsidian, his bangs no longer in his face. His baggy clothes no where in sight. Instead he is wearing a tight-fitting black shirt and jacket, regular jeans, and pure black high tops----even the laces and bottoms. On his head is a crown in various dark colors except for red and blues. As to show that he doesn't want to think about the Lights anymore. It wraps around his head in a band way with gems unlike a normal crown.

"Oh, nowhere." He sings.

"You visited them, didn't you?"

"So what?"

Virgil grits his teeth. "You do realize that by visiting them you may have sparked their interests into searching for me. They don't need to do that if we are to follow through."

"Of course, Sir. I meant nothing by it."

"Well, to show it: You and Remus are to keep them from finding me. Now, I have work to do."


	4. Chapter 4

Roman, Patton, and Logan are back in their Mind Palace, in their respective thoughts. Not that they dislike being in their regular accommodations but they really need a place to think without being interrupted. Surprisingly, the Mind Palace is one of the few places that Deceit and Remus cannot reach them. They're all standing in their respective corners all not mention but secretly glancing over at Virgil's side in a vain hope that he will come to his senses and just randomly appear again.

Nothing.

Roman can feel his heart breaking with each passing minute that the Emo Nightmare is gone. He worries that Virgil may be scared right now, worried out of his minds trying to escape Deceit and Remus. possibly hiding away somewhere so when the moment strikes he will rejoin his new family. Or maybe, a darker voice says deep inside Roman's own head, Virgil did willingly leave and doesn't want to return. After all why would he have broken the picture if he planned on returning?

Or maybe he didn't know he broke it when he left! He probably didn't take it with him in case the others found it and making the rest of us their next targets for their schemes! The more cheerful voice of Roman argued.

"Should. . . . Should we try and get him?" Roman asks, voice shaky from his attempt at keeping it steady to show that it isn't cracking.

"I don't like to disagree with you kiddo," Patton says. "But I'm not so sure that is a good idea. Logan did confirm that Deceit wasn't mostly lying about his information on Virgil. The main one being is that Virgil did leave on his own will. As much as I would love to have my Dark Strange Son back, I don't want to do anything that will make him unhappy. If being back with his old family makes him happy than us then what good would we be doing?"

Okay, Patton and Roman and Logan have disagreed in the past. Nothing can change that but they've always been able to come to a compromise. Is getting Virgil back essential for Thomas? Yes. Is it worth it if it makes Virgil unhappy? No.

The moral and creative traits look at Logan, asking him what to do. Logan has his hand on his chin, thinking. "I don't know. I honestly don't know." Okay. That is a big first for Logan saying that he doesn't know what to do about something. He may think his way is right until the end results but he has never been afraid of asking for and come up with a whole different solution that works.

Roman considers going to get Virgil on his own but that's dangerous. The Darkscape can be overwhelming for a trait that isn't from their or has no companions. The Prince excuses himself leaving the Palace back to his room, heavy footsteps against the floor. Reaching his door he opens and closes it quickly falling to the red carpeted ground in the fettle position as he allows the tears to stream out only to find they aren't there. 

* * *

Virgil is in his new-old room. There's nothing in it that shows that he has his own likes and dislikes. No Jack and Sally posters, spiderwebs, spider-curtains. Nothing. It's just black and dark grey. His heart weighing in his chest. He makes his way to the only thing in the room that isn't the closet, bathroom, or the main door. It's in the center and silver with dark cushions and spiky, very opposite of Roman's.

No, NO!

Too late. Just thinking about Roman's name has him picturing the Prince in his mind. All happy and cheerful excited about going another adventure, defeating The Dragon Witch again or another person or thing from the imagination. And thinking about him leads to Patton and Logan. Patton literally being sunshine and rainbows and getting a bit too impulsive at moments and Logan bringing him back to reality. Somehow, Virgil notes, Logan and Patton even one another out. Yes, opposites but not total opposites like their dark alternative. 

When he was with them he had felt like he was home, more included than he had been here. 

But that was only a temporary thing. No one can change who they really are, and who Virgil really is is Anxiety that can get so bad Thomas can barely move or talk to another person. That's who he will always be.

A tear slips from his eye. 


	5. Chapter 5

It's been a few weeks since Virgil left. Thomas has been more calm and less anxious, which worries the other three. Either Virgil has ducked out forever or something bad is about to happen, which causes the others to feel anxious. They want the bad thing to happen so they can deal with it they just don't know how to go about it. One night as Logan and Patton sit on the couch and Roman pacing the floor in the living room, the Prince has finally had enough.

Roman has a hand on his chin. "I say we screw it and we go get Virgil, at least talk to him a bit." He stops in the middle of the floor looking at the other two sides with determination. "I know you two are skeptical, but Virgil is the literal embodiment of anxiety, his thoughts about. . . . where he stands with us aren't the best. If we see him and talk to him we may be able to convince him to come back. Show him what he actually means to us."

Logan and Patton look at him. "It is worth a shot." Logan says after a moment of utter silence that made Roman think he didn't convince them; but at Logan's admission Roman can feel something rise up within him. "However," Logan continues, "we mustn't get our hopes up. If Virgil does not wish to return with us then we must leave him be. If he feels even the slightest bit of pressure to rejoin us he will and he will be even more unhappy."

Patton wordlessly nods his head in agreement. His want for his son taking a backseat. Though as he looks up at the fanciful side he can tell that Roman has another layer of feelings for the dark persona whether he is aware of them or not Patton doesn't know and he isn't sure if bringing them up will do any good.

Without another word being spoken all three make their way up the stairs down the corridor until the light is almost gone and they are consumed by darkness. Logan, thanks to his logic, brought a flash flight. Turning it on they see that there is a door in front of them. As black as the darkness around them. There is no name or decorations on the door so they do not know whose or what room they are about to enter. Patton, with the very little courage he has, raises his hand and knocks on the door. 

In true horror story-telling fashion the door opens just a little bit and the trio cautiously make their way inside. Logan opening the door much further, Patton and Roman making their ways in behind him. The room has a lamp on a desk in the corner that gives a dim light to the room. The desk is at the foot of the bed where a black jacket-clad with purple patches person is sitting in the center of.

Roman gets the biggest grin on his face and is about to run over when Logan and Patton stop him. They don't want to disturb him and Logan is trying to figure out how to make them known without startling the other left brainer. They don't have to. Virgil looks over his shoulder at them. His brown eyes going wide.

"G-guys," he stutters out. "What are you doing here?"

"We came to see you. Since you left things haven't been the same." Roman admits, looking down immediately after the words left his mouth a faint crimson coloring his cheeks. Virgil looks at them before looking at the wall in front of him. 

"You don't care about me." He hisses. "It took you three almost three weeks to come and talk to me. Why now? What's going on?"

"Nothing is going on." Logan interjects seeing the look of dejection on Roman's face. Patton placing a hand on the knight's arm. "We figured that since you chose to leave on your own we would give you space----try and go back to how things were before you and it hasn't been the same. You're what is missing from our family."

At thing point Virgil fully turns around, legs now on hanging off the side of the bed. "Do you really mean that?" His eyes are wide, the darkness at the bottom of his eyes not becoming as deep as it would when in his room. The anxious trait then shakes his head. "No you don't mean that. Deceit has told me the truth, Remus too. If you three really cared you would've come sooner."

"Kiddo," Patton interrupts not wanting a frustrated Logan to speak. "We want you to be happy. Whether it is with us or them. We just wanted to see you. If you want to come back with us, you can. You don't have to if you don't want to."

Virgil is silent for a moment. It stretches on for a moment that Roman takes a step, whether it is towards Virgil or the door no one knows. Not even Roman. As the silence continues the three light sides take it that Virgil does not want to return with them. With heavy hearts the three start to make their way out the door when Virgil's voice calls out to them.

"Wait." They look at him. He's fiddling with the sleeves and strings of his hoodie. "Do you guys want me back?"

"Of course we do. More than anything." Patton confirms.

Virgil stands up and runs over to them embracing them in a big hug. No words need to be said for this. Quietly they all make their way out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? You don't think this is the end of the story, do you?
> 
> Also the terrible Logan-logic pun was intentional no matter how bad.


End file.
